


wounds slivered along the mend (and a pile of letters i’ll never send)

by Nazezdha321



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Horror, I hope, Life is unfair, Oranges, Tears, how to make kat cry: make deke cry, rip kat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27446638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nazezdha321/pseuds/Nazezdha321
Summary: In which Deke is sad, I am sad, and if everything goes to plan, Kat cries.
Relationships: Alya Fitz/Owen Shaw, Deke Shaw & Alya Fitz
Comments: 15
Kudos: 23
Collections: Angst War 2020





	wounds slivered along the mend (and a pile of letters i’ll never send)

**Author's Note:**

> I had weeks to write this fic and I came up with... this. 
> 
> If nothing else, the title's pretty.
> 
> And if you have any triggers, click on 'more notes' and anything potentially triggering will be listed there. If I missed a trigger, feel free to comment or message me on tumblr <3

“Mama,” Deke says, poking her forehead. “ _ I’m four, Mama. _ ” 

Alya slowly opens her eyes to see her now four-year-old son sitting on top of her, grinning madly as he points at himself with one hand and holds hers with the other. 

“Deke, it’s nighttime,” Owen mutters from beside her. Alya gives him a look. Deke’s so little, and after all, you only have one fourth birthday. Might as well make the most of it. She’s sure there will be a day when she longs for him to grasp her hand in the cold darkness of the Lighthouse. 

“Are you?” she asks, putting every ounce of enthusiasm into her voice. “Four years old! Look at you! Nana and Bobo will be so happy!” 

“Four!” Deke confirms with the brightest smile Alya’s ever seen. She laughs and gets out of bed to twirl him around like her father used to when she was little. 

“Alya, the Blues,” Owen hisses. They’re supposed to be sleeping, and Nainai always said to follow their rules -  _ if not for your own, then for Deke’s sake  _ \- but she can’t help but offer Deke the littlest ray of sunshine they have left. 

She holds a finger to her mouth. “Can you be the quietest mouse?” she murmurs. 

“ _ What’s a mouse, Mama?”  _ Deke whispers, his eyes as wide as saucers. 

Alya tries not to laugh as she walks to the dresser, opening the top drawer that is just out of Deke’s reach. She grabs the orange that she buried beneath old papers and an old jacket with an eagle insignia. She traded one of her mother’s old necklaces for it. Pretty things don’t have much a use anymore, and Jemma wouldn’t miss it. “All for you, love. Happy birthday.” 

Deke takes the fruit into his hands and inhales the scent. “It smells good, Mama.” 

Alya nods, and tries not to let tears fall from her eyes as he struggles to peel it. She only gets one little boy. And she only gets nine years with him. 

Her father told her so, in one of his mindless rants. She doesn’t think he remembers, but she does. 

She has to make it worth it. 

\--- 

Deke is six years old and sitting criss cross applesauce in front of the old lady his mom talks to all the time. Robin. She has this wood carving in her hands, and Deke knows that anything wood is priceless, so she must be important. 

“She’s gone,” Robin tells him absentmindedly. 

“Who’s gone?” Deke asks. 

“Mother,” she says. Deke’s confused. Of course her mom is dead, she’s like the oldest person in the Lighthouse since Nana died last month. He misses Nana and Bobo. 

“Sorry,” he mutters lamely, ‘cause you’re supposed to be nice when people are sad. 

She stares at him. “You were so close.” 

_ To what?  _

“To what?” 

“My mother always kept me safe,” Robin tells him earnestly. 

He smiles. At least he understands that. “Mine too.” 

“That’s what she’ll be doing.” 

“Huh?” 

“She’s keeping you safe.” 

Deke walks away. Robin’s weird and nobody but Virgil or his parents even tries to talk to her anymore. He’s not sure why he did. 

\--- 

“Are you scared?” Robin asks Alya. She knows exactly what the seer is talking about, for once. 

She smiles. “Only a little bit.” 

“It felt like forever to her…” 

“To who?” Alya prompts politely, but Robin doesn’t reply, only twirls her little bird carving in her hands. 

\---

_ “Mom!”  _ Deke screams, running forward to grab her rough hands. Panic fills him up and tears spill out as she brings his hand to her deathly cool cheek. 

“I love you,” his mom murmurs, just loud enough for him to hear. Everything feels so  _ wrong,  _ like his insides have been twisted and twisted around until he’s just another long braid in his mother’s hair. He’s nine. Today’s his birthday. Everything is so  _ unfair,  _ and that’s not… not  _ fair.  _

Deke screams in both frustration and fury as arms wrap around his waist and lift him off the ground. 

“ _ Mom! No!”  _ he shrieks, reaching for her as his father hauls him back. His fingertips brush hers, and the red flood lights turn on as she puts something in his hand. He lets loose a guttural scream as the Trawler bay doors close and collapses in a heap of anger and pain and tears. He keeps screaming. 

Because she’s  _ gone _ . 

she’sgoneeshe’sgoneshe’sgoneshe’sgoneshe’sgo -

He feels a hand smoothing his hair back, and another placed over his mouth, warning him not to speak. The entire corridor is staring at him as Tess holds his hair back and Virgil slowly removes his hand because he knows what’s coming. 

Deke throws up at his father’s feet, his mother’s voice ringing in his head. He tries to drown everything out with it because he knows from old Miss Robin’s stories that one day, he won’t be able to hear her telling him that  _ the steps you take don’t have to be big _ ...

It doesn’t matter. It’s not like he’ll see her. 

He makes the decision in an instant he forgets, forgets everything he can about his mother because maybe it’ll stop his chest from caving in, and tries to ignore Tess’ hand on his shoulder. 

Deke regrets that decision, but then, he already has a lot of regrets. It doesn’t matter if he adds another weight on his shoulders, because he was taught to be strong and stand tall. Because he can bear it. 

\---

They take his father away when he’s not there. He’s in his virtual reality, actually, trying to replicate the artificial taste of an orange as best he can. It’s his birthday. His dad didn’t get him one like he usually does, so it’s up to Deke to carry on tradition. 

Virgil brings him the news, and he waves him away even though he offers to stay. 

It’s been a long day, and it’s time to see his mother again. 

\---

Deke curls up in his bed and lets tears fall from his eyes. The Blues took away the good part of the coding today, on his nineteenth birthday. The part that let him talk to a “technological adaptation” of his mother and Nana and Bobo and even old, weird Robin. Really, it was just dumb AI he programmed, but he misses them all the same. 

He cries and cries silently until he feels completely empty inside and it’s only then that he knows for certain. 

Deke smells the orange scent on his hands to calm himself down. 

They’re never coming back, he realizes, and nothing he can do - no barter he can make, no AI he can code - will ever bring any of them back. 

Deke falls asleep to his tears and orange smell and deafening silence of the Lighthouse and wishes that he could run, run anywhere for however long, not have to turn in corridors or be contained by metal . That he would be on Earth, all alone, but surrounded by living things. 

\--- 

The airlock doors close, Tess and Virgil's faces pressed against the glass screaming, red lights burning his eyes, his helmet left in his bunk, and his heart aching for the stars, and his mother among them. 

\--- 

(He's finally free). 

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGERS INCLUDE:   
> \- suicide   
> \- uhh child neglect at worst??   
> \- lots of grief. Not sure if that's triggering. But it's sad. 
> 
> So Kat. 
> 
> Did you cry?


End file.
